LAUGH LOUD !!

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
-----------------------------------------
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when...



1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.



2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.



3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.



4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.



5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.



6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries..



7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen



8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.



10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.



11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )



12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.



13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.



14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.



15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

You don't stop laughing because you
grow old--You grow old because you
stop laughing !!

MODERN PANCHATANTRA

Once upon a time,
there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market. One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood
( the woodcutter and the axe )
He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "
Is this your computer ?
" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "
No, not at all !!" Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!! ********
Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a genius than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

LETS THINK LOGIC!!

kyon chalti hai pawan ?
because of evaporation

kyon jhoome hai gagan ?
because of earth's revolution

kyon machalta hai mann ?
because of excessive respiration

na tum janno na hum ?
but i just gave all the answers

kyon aati hai bahar ?
because of change in season

kyon lutata hai kaarar ?
becuase of mental tension

kyon hota hai pyaar ?
because of fatal attraction

na tum janno na hum ?
like i said these are all science phenomena

kyon gum hai har disha ?
because u have lost the sense of direction

kyon hota hai nasha ?
because of drug addiction

kyon aata hai maza?
because of food?s temptation

na tum janno na hum?
I think u r jealous from my intelligence

ACT SMART!!

A lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls forback up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowlyapproaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps outof her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murderedthe owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to theofficer.The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have alicense, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding too, right?

KIDS ARE KIDS!!

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."
The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"
"Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would."
He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"
She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"
The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with two sluts."

SHOW ME UR ANSWERS...!!;)

SCHOOL DAY CRUSHES??HA HA..RECALL IF ANY;)

All together Different Story its a Love Story
A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it. Often happens in life
A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.

My Dearest Reshma Please answer the following questionnaire.

For Options (a)10 marks, (b) 5marks and (c) 3 marks

1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love (b) you couldn't control seeing me (c) really ... am I doing it?

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling (b) you are testing whether I like jokes (c) you are attracted by my smile

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me (b) my presence influenced you (c) you feared that whether I'll like your song

4) When you were showing your child photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:
(a) you felt ashamed (b) you felt uneasy (c) you don't know

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment (b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing (c) you don't know

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) you were waiting for me (b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus (c) that bus was crowded

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom (b) you just want to know what your parents think about me (c) just you felt like introducing me to them

8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish (b) you like roses (c) by chance you got a rose

9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to temple early at 6:00 AM because:
(a) you want to pray along with me (b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday (c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.
If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom.
If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.

reply soon..

ALL PAIN FOR SIMPLE REASON;)

Why do students fail in exams...?
It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year ONLY has 365' days.
Typical academic year for a student

1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult tostudy. Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE.. Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126
.5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly &swallowing)- means 30days. Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days Days left 81.
7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.
10. Movies and functions- at least 2 days. 1 day left.
11. That 1 day is your birthday. How can you study on your B'day??????Balance = 0 "How can a student pass?????"

Gujarati's please dont mind!!

Patel family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin oftheir dead mother arrived from theUS. It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body wasvery tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no spaceleft in itWhen they opened the lid , they found a letter on topaddressed to her brothers and sisters:

Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Mohan and Varsha,I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wishthat she should be cremated in the compound of ourancestral home in GUJARAT.Sorry,I could not come along as all of my paid leaveis consumed. You will find inside the coffin, underBa's body, 12 cans of cheese, 10 packets of Toblerchocolates and 8 packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you. On Ba's feet you will find anew pair of Reebok shoes(size 10) for Mohan. There arealso 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons.Hope the sizes are correct.Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size isfor Mohan.Just distribute the rest among yourselves. The 2 newJeans that Ba's iswearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reemawanted is on Ba's left wrist.Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings andring that you asked for. Please take them off her.he 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must bedivided among my nephews. Please distribute all thesefairly.

LoveSmita Patel

PS : And if anything more required let me know soonas Bapuji is also not feeling too well nowadays...

FAST TECHNOLOGY CANT LEAVE OUR GODS BEHIND...

HI-TECH GODS


SURYA: Solaris administrator

BRAHMA: System installation

VISHNU: System support

LAKSHMI:Finance and account consultant

SHIVA:Crash specialist

GANESH:Document specialist

NARADA:Data transfer

BRIHASPATI:Chief information officer

YAMA:Reorganisation consultant

CHITRAGUPTA:Personal records

APSARAS:Downloadable viruses

DEVAS:Y2K Programmer

RAMA:Hardware supporter

LAKSHMAN:Support software backup

RAVAN:Internet explorer

HANUMAN:RS6000

BALI:Win 98

SUGREEV:Win 95

AVGADH:Win 3.1

JHAMBHUVANTH:DOS

VISHWAMITRA:Senior manager projects

HASTINAPUR:Silicon valley

ARJUN:Lead programmer

ABHIMANYU:Trainee programmer

DRAUPADI:Web server free access

BHIMA:Main frame

DURYODHANA:MS Product written in VB

SHAKUNI:Bill gates

KARNA:Contract program

KAURAVAS:MS Service packs and packages

SHIKANDI:Steve jobbs100
RAKSHASA:Inhouse hackers

Have you ever tried to catch a lion??ha ha..few steps to follow and lion in ur trap:)

HOW 2 TRAP A LION

NEWTONS METHOD.

Let lion catch you.Every action there is equal and opposite raection ;)

EINSTEIN'S METHOD.

Run in the direction opposite to that of lion.Due to high relative velocity the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.Then catch it ;)

SCHRODINGERS EQUATION.

At any given moment there is positive permeability that lion should be in cage.So set the trap .Sit down and wait patiently ;)

INVERSE TRANSFORMATION METHOD.

Place the spherical cage in forest and enter in it .Perform an inverse transformation with respect to lion. Lion is in and we are out ;)

THERMODYNAMICS LAW.

Construct a semipermeable membrane allow all to pass except lion and sweep entire forest with it .Lion is left out ;)

INTEGRATION DIFFERENTIATION METHOD.

Integrate forest over entire area.Lion is somewhere in result.Differentiate the result partially with respect to lion to trace out lion ;)

BOHRS THEORY.

Find a lioness.Lion would rotate arond her in circular paths and eventually would decrease the radius between him and his neucleus ;)

Hey for all those crazy students out there,here s something for u all which can make your teachers go craze..check out

AN APPLICATION



Respected madam,
With due veneration,
And deep contemplation,
In a sick condition,
I give you information,
That my situation,
Is beyond explanation,
With great consideration,
To grant me vacation,
For ten days duration,
For absolute alleviation,
Of my critical condition,
In addition to my position,
Sick on exemption,
For our examination,
Which is big botheration,
For modern generation,
And m not an exemption,
Therefore accept my application,
For early sanction,
As per college regulation,
For necessary permission,
Thanking you in application,
I close my petetion:)

COMPUTER MANIA

Husband : "Good evening dear,m now logged in"

Wife : Have you brought grocery?

Husband : Bad command or file name

Wife:What about my new tv?

Husband:Variable not found

Wife:Atleast gimme ur credit card.I wana do some shopping

Husband:Sharing violation.Access denied

Wife:Do you love me o only computer o just being funny?

Husband:Too many parameters

Wife:It was great mistake I married an idiot like you

Husband:Data type mismatch

Wife:Useless nut

Husband:By default

Wife:What about your salary?

Husband:File in use,try after somtime

Wife:Who was in the car this morning?

Husband:System unstable.Press CTRL+ALT+DEL to reboot

Wife:Are u gona drink some wine?

Husband:File system is full

Wife:What is my value in the family?

Husband:An unknown virus :)