NEW DEFINATIONS MAKE MORE MEANING!!! ;)

Cigarette:

A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
***********

Love affairs:

Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
***********

Marriage:

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
***********

Divorce :

Future tense of marriage
***********

Lecture:

An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
***********

Conference:

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
***********

Compromise :

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
***********

Tears:

The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.. .
***********

Dictionary:

A place where divorce comes before marriage.
***********

Conference Room:

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
***********

Ecstasy:

A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
***********

Classic:

A book which people praise, but do not read.
***********

Smile:

A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
***********

Office:

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
***********

Yawn:

The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
***********

Etc:

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
***********

Committee:

Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
***********

Experience :

The name men give to their mistakes.
***********

Atom Bomb:

An invention to end all inventions.
***********

Philosopher :

A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
***********

Diplomat:

A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
***********

Opportunist:

A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
***********

Optimist :

A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
***********

Pessimist:

A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
***********

Miser:

A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
***********

Father:

A banker provided by nature.
***********

Criminal:

A guy no different from the rest... Except that he got caught.
***********

Boss:

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
***********

Politician:

One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
***********

Doctor:

A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills .

***********